I am left and I am right so I entrap myself every time.

I will be all blah blah I am this plus that one day while saying do not do it and then suddenly the air changes making me completely opposite of what I said I was not.

While switching between the two extremes constantly.

I go from Jesus to Lucifer in a snap and for no apparent reason usually.

There is nothing here to trigger me physically besides my own thoughts.

So I create my own order and chaos out of nothing all the time which at the same time helps teach others all about the human mind/spirit/heart.

Since I go through moments where I feel the pain one should in said scenario causing me to react while shortly after nullifying it to unreact to it.

The dark part is that it’s mainly self produced.

Meaning I just live it through thought to the point I trick my body that it’s real causing it to react accordingly in turn creating all this crap laced truth.

Well I wouldn’t say no physical triggers actually as people bothering me or being in the same room as me while trying to create nose dives my creativity quick.

Instead of writing a love story I turn it into terrorist demands because I need my space via me being extracted or the person beside me being murdered for me.

The worst part is, sorry am gonna trail off now because that’s what I do…anyways he complains that my grandma is a pain in the ass constantly all day long.

Meanwhile from my perspective and my world?

She stays upstairs, she leaves me alone, she doesn’t come around bitching to me about him all day long.

Sure when I go upstairs then I hear the same circus from her but only when I am upstairs, otherwise I have peace besides the bum on the couch in my office space.

Anyways it’s like I love love but love hate too, I love to grow but I love to destroy also, I love to experience beauty but I also love to experience ugliness.

While in between all that?

I am all like why I am not actually afraid of any of this?

Should I be afraid of this fact?

Should I be afraid of the fact that I need to question this fact?

I honestly do not know the proper human way to react to certain emotions unless I have seen and stored them enough to mimic them like I do daily. ⁂

If anything throughout all of this for last few years I proved one other fact.

I am brutally honest about feelings daily.
“Expose the Jesuit order and learn about the global genocide.

Speak out, even when what you have to say is not popular.” 

― John Reynaga

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