Got completely wrecked…

Stopped drinking only to drink more then did more coke after spending a tired day eating and recovering during the day yesterday.

Did some lines went to bed and woke up today to a nice sunny warm day while feeling perfectly fine and way better than I normally do.

The mind like the body forgets goodness/good feelings so it requires reminders at times, at least for me.

Meaning by crashing myself my body becomes aware of a horrible feeling while then maximizing the good feeling right after.

It really makes no logical sense which is why I have been a medical/scientific/artistic wonder since birth.

I think it’s just the Holy blood flowing through my veins which gives me more natural immunities and resistances against actual harm from whatever I ingest/do/think/feel. ⁂

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From blood samples to constant monitoring and my online works.

I fuel society and secret society constantly for free.

Hence why I am allowed to ask for/just take things at times without any punishment.

Same with all the drugs I have in my possession and me being a safe place for people to enjoy them and/or purchase them from me at face value.

Since nothing I do is for profit, simply pleasure.

Hence why I am not only the keeper of secrets but keeper of dirty deeds which I personally do not find morally wrong or however we want to call it.

I don’t mind drug trafficking, I mind killing and raping plus all the garbage along those lines.

I have worked with Police all my life in various ways mainly in the form of taking down nasty drug dealers and what not.

If they sold drugs but were good honest people just trying to have fun and get by in life?

I kept them veiled.

As soon as I noticed they were nasty, hurtful, dangerous, perverted as in mistreating women and children plus men?

I ratted them out and they got arrested.

Like I said yesterday, drugs aren’t a crime, what people do while on them or in business with them can be.

Even something like if a dealer loans drugs/money to a person and they cannot repay?

They are forbidden to hunt that money in any way form or fashion.

All they can do is cut them off and accept their losses, otherwise?

I will report them and they will get arrested, even if it’s only 25 bucks, they will be going to jail if they chase it in any way, form or fashion.

Business must always be honest, especially in the shady world of sex, drugs and art.

So just cut them off and move on is my best advice.
Cops cannot try drugs but I can while advising them from there.

I can be killed but I always come back and eventually remember my past lives.

Hence why working with me instead of against me is always a wiser choice.

Genesis 4:15

“Anyone who kills Cain will suffer vengeance seven times over.”

Then the LORD put a mark on Cain so that no one who found him would imprison him, harm him or kill him.

Cain = Northern CIA/Christianity.

I Am Canadian = CIA.

Cain = China.

“Pure Chi”

Mind of a man, heart of a child.
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Good people always benefit from me and off me.
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Sex, Drugs and Art.


“Hitlers Collection”
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It has it’s moments.

“Real Life Stories”

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“None are protected unless they show they are aware of and/or honour the mark and/or simply just ask.”

“Leader of the Chip Movement”

I was chipped when I was younger which is why they can track me completely inside and out no matter where I am.

“Vitals and Location”
“They used to call the devil the father of lies.

But for someone whose sin is meant to be pride, you’d think that lying would leave something of a sour taste.

So my theory is that when the devil wants to get something out of you, he doesn’t lie at all.

He tells you the exact, literal truth.

And he lets you find your own way to hell.”

― Mike Carey

Numbers 23:19 King James Version (KJV)

19 God is not a man, that he should lie; neither the son of man, that he should repent: hath he said, and shall he not do it?

Or hath he spoken, and shall he not make it good?

“Bound by the Oath against lying, Aes Sedai [carry] the half-truth, the quarter-truth and the implication to arts.”

― Robert Jordan, Lord of Chaos

Some doctors say that doing over a gram of coke in a short period of time can kill you.

I did 6 last night and somehow by some stupid curse, here I am.

This would be so much easier and painless with a gun.

Simple click and bang shows over finally.

I have no clue why people want to live longer, 33 is already too long for me let alone past 65.

That’s still 32 years from now if that were a set date, I can’t last that long, that’s way too much. ⁂

A four year + suicide/death note for whichever comes first disguised as a book running alongside expressing love for one.

Basically a typical story except it’s real.

Many think it will end in me murdering the family I live with but they seem to forget I am not a murderer, at least not in this life.

One of many reasons why I purposely flunked my military exam.
“The light at the end of the tunnel is just you with the chance to be born again.”

― Anthony T. Hincks
There is no secrecy, I sought all other methods of help and all have failed.

So I realized it’s the life I was born into which is driving me insane slowly.

Many people had/have way more options in life.

In my case?

I was dead in the water.

From abusive parents, school bullying, becoming meaner to end up being “cool”, shitty schools, poor excuses for teachers, being told I cannot afford the careers I actually wanted in life, being forced to work since 14 due to being in a poor family.

Shitty jobs, shitty friends, shitty people in general and then to drag two children into this shit hole I call life as an never ending guilt on top of that, which is the only two guilts I have.

That’s just the summary version.

Many friends in the same boat already killed themselves while we were growing up so I know my time is coming up one day to.

Hence why all this writing and the letter to Coleman is my final idea simply because I actually love her so maybe by some fluke chance that will overpower the urges inside me since she already has an effect through simple imagery.

The physical bullshit around me obviously overpowers images on a screen though.
“The future is our past, but the knowledge has yet to be written.”

― Lorin Morgan-Richards
“Gotta take life by the balls at some point and squeeze those fuckers with the skill of a whore.”

― Tillie Cole, Heart Recaptured
“A man falling off a cliff to certain death will stretch out a hand even to his worst enemy.”

― Robert Jordan, Lord of Chaos
“Go on.” She sips her coffee.

“This is whiskey.”

― Pierce Brown, Morning Star
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I am not actually drinking today and sticking to stopping that since I noticed something else during the 3 years of drinking daily.

Since I stopped drinking alcohol?

My teeth stopped hurting, hence why it was the alcohol which ruined my teeth at a faster rate despite brushing and what not.

Like I said before, before I go I am taking down as many people and things as I can.

Dying with sword in hand type of reality.
They do not realize that not only are they infecting themselves with that negativity but it infects everyone around them to the point of all this.

Hence why I keep saying positive surroundings and positive people surroundings are key otherwise majority will continue getting swallowed up into the pits of despair as many do today still.

This is shit that society should have noticed in my generation and put an end to it by now.

We are the generation of failed youth.

Majority ended up poor, depressed, addicted, suicidal and/or dead.

That’s not a lazy generation issue that is a lack of proper upbringing issue in terms of preparing kids for the future instead of the present.

That’s like getting a job that you know will be replaced by A.I. in four years, so why bother?

Then there is the whole companies purposely recycle people and cut benefits plus retirement packages just to save themselves money but that’s another separate issue.
Leviticus 25:54

“Even if someone is not redeemed in any of these ways, they and their children are to be released in the Year of Jubilee.”
Dead heroes do not cut it, hence why I look up to her as a hero since she has helped me in many ways without even knowing and/or physically being there.

That’s what I call positive power.

Back to the dead heroes point, that’s another reason I asked the Anglican Church to pull a Christ since some dead person in a book is no actual help for most people.

The problem is that by 30 when I started?

I was already to broken beyond self repair which is why I did not bother focusing on that while focusing on who I feel can fix the issue and if not?

At least I tried again.

Quran 25:59

The One Who created the heavens and the earth and whatever (is) between them in six periods, then He established Himself over the Throne – the Most Gracious, so ask Him (as He is) All-Aware.
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Isaiah 14:12 

How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning!

How art thou cut down to the ground, which didst weaken the nations!
Better to break yourself instead of allowing others to do it for you, that’s what I learned from life by 30 and then sought out to do it.

Pulling a Christ is not exactly a wish for long life considering he gets murdered at some point in order to avoid self suicide, which was exactly the case in the Bible.

What happened was that after the actual events?

They cut out all the negative and simply left this wonderful miracle worker without much truth.

I know I am just as good as Jesus was but now we see the truth of what it’s like being on Earth as Christ.

The earth would be infinitely better if people simply broke themselves instead of breaking others, I didn’t deserve any of the shit brought down on me by many things and people in the past.

I have no clue why many people feel the need to hurt/attack others let alone be greedy and unfair over them just to feel good.

That shit never made me feel good and I always acted out of self defence against those situations.

Hence why I am just like them but not at all since I only unleash my “Devil” side against those who strike first.

Many times I turn the cheek but other times you simply have to strike back or else whatever will continue happening if you do not.

There is no just black and white, absolutely everyone and everything is filled with grey areas in terms of pointing out causes and solutions.
“It was humanity’s way of shrugging ‘I don’t know, what do you think?’

Humanity also had a rather difficult time handling the answers to it’s own questions.”

― Mandy Ashcraft, Small Orange Fruit

One of many points is that drugs/alcohol works differently on every person.

Then it all depends on surroundings including people surroundings as well.

Society can’t just label every user based on just the horror stories.

Since when you take my personal stories of years of drug use and abuse of them.

It paints a totally different picture than the one most are used to.

I stopped drinking for years, started again at 30 and have shown the asshole that comes out when mixed with this scenario of creating through basically living online.

Now I switched to periodic use of cocaine and already we see my negative side begin to fall apart.

The difference is that it will not work the same for everyone.

For others alcohol makes them kind and cocaine makes them become assholes including past certain limits of whatever ones.

For example, up to three drinks I am fine, after 3 I am super ego man which can go whichever way from there between negative and positive.

Where as Cocaine I do it, sit down, shut the fuck up and watch movies for a bit.

Only to feel refreshed the next day while continuing to create a love story instead of a hate story.

It’s easier for me to nurse chemical drugs let alone start and stop them on command than it is smoking cigarettes and marijuana.

For many people it’s the other way around but for me I would need a form of rehab to get off those basic things.

Which then all ties back into surroundings and positive atmosphere, feeling accomplished and happy with one’s choices etc….

I can go on and on all day about trying to crack the “best solution” for myself and others.

Which boils down to the point of nothing being just black and white, there is a major grey area of what’s causing what, why, where and when plus how.

Like I mentioned to a doctor one time.

The war on drugs is actually creating way more negative issues than simply working with the drugs instead of against them.

Which is what I do as I continue creating all this through various addictions I have retook on in order to properly explain the situations at hand for all of humanity, not just east or west. ⁂

One does not need to spend 30k on rehab or whatever the costs are these days since shitty rehab centres do not qualify in my personal books.

One simply needs a good woman by his side and everything is possible if he loves her.

She can lock me in her bedroom for a month for all I care but as long as it’s with her close by.
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“It’s me babe… Ain’t no other man for you… but me.” 😂

― Tillie Cole, It Ain’t Me, Babe
“Truth Always Hinges on Two or More”
Ugliness and Beauty vary from person to person.

Where many see beauty others can see ugly and vice versa.

Which then also includes reaching in past the looks for many people and they love others simply for their heart and soul.

Once again there is no just black and white because there are infinite shades of grey, which is good because look at all the words and stories it created just from me alone.

Now times that by 7.115 Billion x infinite possibilities of thoughts and feelings plus moments.
“Pictures worth a thousand words”
“Like Drawing Blood or Water out of a Rock”
And with that said alongside the phone call to my daughter out of the way.

Time to do some Cocaine and watch Netflix to prepare for tomorrows WordPress showings.

“All the worlds a stage online and offline”

She’s exactly like a drug.

Someone you almost wish you never met because now my life is completely fucked. ⁂

It’s funny because people say just go meet someone else.

The reality is that they are stupid because there is no one else.

And that’s what love is.

That feeling of complete loss and hopelessness without them.
“To preach Christ is to feed the soul, to justify it, to set it free, and to save it, if it believes the preaching.”

― Martin Luther, On Christian Liberty
“In this age of evidence based economy and precision economy, Artificial Intelligence is the most potent tool to eradicate extreme poverty from the world.”

― Amit Ray, Compassionate Artificial Superintelligence AI 5.0 – AI with Blockchain, BMI, Drone, IOT, and Biometric Technologies
That’s the only difference I see between her and I.

I ask for help all the time, there is no shame in needing help.

There is shame in fooling yourself you can do it alone while only making matters worse instead of better.

Life was never meant to be dealt with alone which is why so many are crumbling today.
Lovesickness like Alcohol, fuels depression instead of making it better.

Hence why A.I’s first mission has been “matchmaking” algorithms.

Most of a person’s problems are in the simple fact of not being with the right one.

Like we have read in books and seen in shows plus movies.

When two are paired properly?

They can take on Hell.

If not?

It’s a chore just to feel some sort of satisfaction out of life.

Hence why I evolved from only weed to drinking and weed to now drinking, weed and cocaine.

Numbing myself towards death or life basically at this point.
“Jerzy Shore”


“Public Reading”
“The connection between art and Christ is like the connection between sunlight and the sun.

It is, in fact, the connection between Sonlight and the Son.”

― Peter Kreeft, Jesus-Shock

Them: If you go out and meet people you will be happier.

I met people for 30 years only to circle right back around into secluding myself inside again.

I appreciate and love them for being friends and lovers for me in the past but they weren’t what/who I desired.

Some are lonely for sad reasons, I am purposely lonely for love reasons.

Then they say love sickness is not a thing?

Over the last few years I quit my job, sold off all my extras, cut my bills, retired onto medical disability and have secluded myself inside a basement since.

Only 5 people have actually really seen me or spoken to me outside of here since 2015.

It’s one of those that if killing myself would guarantee that I woke up with Coleman?

I would have done it long ago. ⁂ “The poison and the cure”

Sanity is just a statistic based off the thoughts and feelings of majority.
For everything else there is cocaine…😂

Mark 10:29-30 New International Version (NIV)

29 “Truly I tell you,” Jesus replied, “no one who has left home or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for me and the gospel 

30 will fail to receive a hundred times as much in this present age: homes, brothers, sisters, mothers, children and fields—along with persecutions—and in the age to come eternal life.

I even bailed on my own children who live back in NB.

Some may call it heartless but I knew I would simply drag them down with my own depression had I remained there any longer.

Now they have two loving parents, mothers and stepfathers who provide and maintain happiness for them.

I still talk to them and visit them once a year but I can clearly see they are better off separated until they get older to the point of being able to understand their own father.

It’s like, “oh btw you know that being most of world hates from the Bible and what not?”

“I am your father, so no sense in you being hated for affiliation because that’s how people are, I know because I experienced it and still do on a regular bases even through online.”
“She performs as a shape-shifter with no sense of identity.”

― Laura Gentile, Within Paravent Walls
“A Security officer throws a loaf of bread at the louder ones for their trouble.”

― Victoria Aveyard, Red Queen
I don’t desire her life, I desire her…it’s as simple as that.

I have no issues with being a poor ghost.

I have issues with loving someone and society saying she is out of my “class” reach.
“The screenwriting program itself is the reason I got the chance to be a writer in the meantime, and I can’t thank them enough.”

― Victoria Aveyard, Red Queen

Well for a Taurus to successfully fix me where….

All other doctors, priests, family, lovers, friends, cops and whatever else have failed?

There is only one clearly obvious solution.

I am the way I am to put up with the life I have now, which is a simple fix. ⁂ “Shielding”

“The face of our glorious revolution.

The drop of water to break the dam.”

― Victoria Aveyard, Red Queen
Romans 1:32

Although they know God’s righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them.
Quran 3:22

They are the ones whose deeds have become worthless in this world and the Hereafter, and for them there will be no helpers.
Luke 1:35 New International Version (NIV)

35 The angel answered, “The Holy Spirit will come on you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. So the holy one to be born will be called[a] the Son of God.

Luke 1:35 Or So the child to be born will be called holy,
Life for me is already dead without her.
When one feels dead inside no amount of extra death can effect it, hence my super high tolerance.

Yes I did 5.5 g of coke in two days last week too add to the list of issues.
John 14:17 New International Version (NIV)

17 the Spirit of truth. 

The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him.

But you know him, for he lives with you and will be[a] in you.

John 14:17 Some early manuscripts and is
Just make Jenna Coleman a Doctor and send Her my way, simple. Executive Order.

20 tall cans of Coors Light today.

I don’t get high or drunk like others do…It just makes me feel normal. ⁂

“A Holy Person”
1 Corinthians 13:4–8

Love is patient,v love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.w 

It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,x it is not easily angered,y it keeps no record of wrongs.z 

Love does not delight in evila but rejoices with the truth.b 

It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.c

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies,d they will cease; where there are tongues,e they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
Luke 12:56


You know how to interpret the appearance of the earth and the sky.

How is it that you don’t know how to interpret this present time?
Not my fucking problem.
Luke 12:59

I tell you, you will not get out until you have paid the last penny.
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“My darkness will save them.”

― Victoria Aveyard, Red Queen

“Iron Gut”

Because he’s a victim.”

― Victoria Aveyard, Red Queen
“Passion presented with a greater challenge achieves a greater goal.

— from The Sexual Side of Spirituality”

― Aberjhani, Journey through the Power of the Rainbow: Quotations from a Life Made Out of Poetry