Why do you do things like drinking and smoking when you know they will make you feel awful sooner and/or later?

Me: Because I always feel awful regardless of what I do, I simply take breaks from that feeling while replacing the natural feeling of awful with self inflicted versions to have control over my own pain at times. ⁂ https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/156303364/posts/84852

Hence why I didn’t take morphine last night to pinpoint and express exactly what I deal with daily and have for so many years…

All my physical and nerve pains are back again like a flood causing massive irritability emotionally let alone psychologically and spiritually. ⁂