And the reason why I get drunk and high but not really drunk or high all the time?

Because an attack can come from anywhere at anytime so part of me needs to be completely aware at all times, especially when I am not. ⁂ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subconscious https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Jackal_(1997_film) https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/3164921-the-strange-case-of-dr-jekyll-and-mr-hyde